carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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