Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
4 words: hood of his car
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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