Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
