a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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