I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
