I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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