How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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