hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize