I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Fuck appropriateness.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
