just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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