I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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