sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
