I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
