Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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