So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
In America we eat man semen.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
