My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
