My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
