fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
