just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
