Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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