And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
