Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
