You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
