i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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