I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
