I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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