Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
