I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
