I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
