I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
