The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
