I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
