He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
