Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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