He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
