Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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