New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
