there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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