you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
