i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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