the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
