I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
