you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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