there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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