giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
