Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
