Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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