Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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