you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
