I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
