bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
