How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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