so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize