don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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