just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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