I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
