I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
