i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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