My nipple is on Facebook.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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