The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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