so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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