It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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