tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm bleeding and have questions
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
