so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
