No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize