doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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