you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
