What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
