Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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