What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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