i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
